Day 1 - Clearing the Clutter

So, I’ve found a pattern in my life. When choose to tell old stories about ourselves, the universe shows up to reflect those stories back to us.

I've realized I have a jaded view of dating. I've had a belief that guys are seeking instant gratification through the whole 'grass is greener on the other side' mentality. I let my guard down and let them in...but with suspicion and skepticism. Then boom! They treat me like a random girl! One to be tossed to the side. I just experienced it again, so I realize there is a lesson I'm meant to learn here. Here we grow again!

I can't do anything about dating in this day and age or how some people treat me, but I can most certainly change my thoughts to attract a kind, honest and loving man. I'm going to do an experiment over the next 40 days. This is Day 1!

Over the next 40 days I will be clearing clutter by:

  • Simplify my home by clearing clutter and organizing to maximize efficiency
  • Cleaning up my nutrition and sticking to my marathon training
  • Daily Kundalini Yoga and meditation to cultivate a clear channel with God
  • Clearing my mind by writing daily
  • Clear out space-fillers in my life

Clutter…just the word alone fogs my mind. When we surround ourselves with clutter, whether it be physical, emotional or even energetic, we don’t leave room for the miracles. You could be holding on to weight, material possessions or an old relationship. You are worth so much more though. Stop letting those things define you.

We can get into our heads when it comes to these things. Take the guy I went out with last. We connected amazingly well, but his word became fleeting. Actually, his presence became fleeting too…without explanation.

Ladies, know that if a guy is interested, he will make his presence known. He will keep in touch. Don’t be afraid to admit that he’s just not that into you. This clears space for your unicorn lover to enter the picture.

Back to decluttering. Do you delete this man and others like him from your social media platforms? Is he more of a friend or a space-filler. It can seem harsh or rude, but this is the time to listen within. Set the intention of releasing them with love. You could even have a little goodbye before you hit the button. This button doesn’t have to reflect a permanent decision, but it represents right now, which is where we want to be.

So, I just let go of that guy who I had a real connection with. The problem was that there was a disconnect in our communication. It was the same old case of the guy being super attentive when he’s interested or wants to hang, but then going AWOL when they’re ‘busy’ or after you’ve been intimate. I’m not saying that a guy needs to be communicating with you all day long, but if you’re talking relationship one day and then the next, he’s too busy to say hi…he’s probably not that into you. Just sayin’.

The old me would cling onto a friendship with hope that he would one day see my worth or just because we had a connection. Not anymore. When you bring up your feelings multiple times and they dismiss them…CUT. THE. CORDS! Maybe you'll be able to build a honest friendship or more in the future, but why start one on shaky foundation.

The old me would also hang on to clothes I don't wear anymore, just in case I need them someday. Or those books. Or craft supplies. name it. I've hung not friendships that sucked me dry because I didn't want to be rude. I put my daily meditation practice or self-care routine on the back-burner to go on a date or to accommodate people who aren't real stake-holders in my life. we go! Day 1 of Operation Declutter commences! Wish me luck! 

Ok, now back to you. How can you declutter your life?

Chapter 1 - Solo Concert

Welcome to my journey of dating myself! A year ago, I tried setting out on this adventure, but ended up meeting an awesome guy and just thought it was one of those things that happens right when you give up. You know they always say that you meet that special someone when you stop looking. We had an amazing journey together and I’m so grateful for the experiences that led to huge expansion and growth for both of us. After we parted ways, I just knew in my heart that I didn’t want to submerge myself in the dating pool again. I didn’t even want to test the waters. I want to bathe in the love and joy that I knew was within me the whole time. I was tired of seeking affirmation of my worth through relationships, whether it was family, friends or through a partner.

My grandma has always joked that it’s hard to keep track of me, but that I’m always where the action is. This constant seeking of action created a habit of filling my time with non-essential people and activities. You see, there are two types of friends in our lives; space-fillers and stake-holders. Space fillers are the people that come and go. You might have some things in common or maybe they are the buddies you call up when you want to hit the town. Stake holders are your people, your tribe, your ride or die friends. They’ve seen you at your best, your worst and love all of it. They tell you the truth about that guy who is no good for you and cook you dinner when he says mean things and breaks your heart. They don’t say, “I told you so,” but open their arms and say, “ I am here for you and you are amazing.”

Then the awesome dinner party ends and the bottle of wine is empty, so you eventually have to head home. Home alone. No partner to answer to. No partner to ask how your evening was or when they would be seeing you again. No partner to tell you how beautiful you are. No partner. This is an interesting place to be, because just a short time prior to this, you were praying for an answer. You wanted to know if the relationship would continue or end. Clarity, I begged for, please bring me clarity! The clarity came in the form of a bomb and I was left searching through the shrapnel for any piece of glitter I could find.

This is where my revelation came. The glitter is within me and I was determined to find it, dance in it and soulebrate it! Where would I start on this journey of dating myself? I didn’t even have to search far. JohnnySwim, one of my favorite bands, was coming to a Madison, Wisconsin. This is roughly a 4-hour drive for me, so in the past I wouldn’t have considered going it alone. Today was a new day though. I bought a ticket for one, downloaded the audiobook “Money and The Law of Attraction” by Esther & Jerry Hicks and was on my way.

As I arrived, I headed straight a restaurant that had some fine Wisconsin cheese curds and local beer. I proudly walked in and declared that I would like a table for ONE! The unimpressed host looked at me and directly stated, “You should just head over the bar and hang around there.” The restaurant was packed and I knew there would be a wait, but wasn’t expecting to be banished to wait, like a vulture, by the bar. I went to the bathroom and dried my eyes, which were welling up with tears. What was I thinking? Of course they wouldn’t want to waste a table on sad, little, single ol’ me. Wait! I had a choice. I could make this night a great night or sit and pity myself. I chose to rock it out in unicorn style - - glitter and all! So, I pulled my red lipstick out, touched up my make-up and went and elbowed my way into an empty seat at the bar.

After ordering, I had to force myself to stay off my phone, because it felt awkward to just be sitting there. Soon I managed to make some small talk with a few folks before heading out to the concert venue. The sun was setting, as I walked by the capital building. I felt the urge to share with someone how beautiful it was. Instead, I just soaked it in for myself. Just then, I look to my left and see angel wings. Right there, in downtown Madison was a store called Archangel! Thank you, angels. I am not alone. I was a bit tired, so I stopped at a sweet coffee shop for an espresso and loved that I wasn’t feeling rushed by anyone’s timelines or expectations. I was free to go at my own pace. I didn’t have to ask if we could make a quick stop and I took my time talking to the cashier and placing my order.

I arrived at the venue and it was amazing. A small and intimate spot with plenty of space to stand without feeling crowded. I ordered a beer that you can only get in Wisconsin and found a spot to perch. There was no small talk and yelling over the music. someone asking how my dinner was. There was no having to wait outside the bathroom for someone or yelling over the music. No partner to answer to. No partner to ask how your evening was. But that was ok, because I was so present in the sights and sounds. I just got to be.

The concert ended and I felt weird exiting in the sea of couples, but I was ok. I got to choose what to do next. I looked up and saw a happy flashing rainbow sign denoting the bar across the street was OPEN. YES! Perfect! I would be safe there. I ended up meeting a sweet guy who shared his frustrations with growing older and how it was harder to find real friends. I empathized with him and shared my story of dating myself. He expressed his gratitude and said he would try dating himself as well. My trip came full circle at that moment as we connected through compassion. 

As I walked to my car, there was a homeless person sleeping on a bench with a camp set-up around them, right next the capital. I pulled out some cash and gently work them up to give it to them. My heart was full and I wanted to share it. 

So, that was my first date, folks and I’d say it was a success. I would suggest that all of you date yourself as well. You can be married and still take yourself to a movie. Or try taking a book to the park and treating yourself to your favorite cupcake, while you lay in the grass and soak up some Mama Nature! Don’t forget to share your experiences below!

Life has been busy, but I want to set-up another date for myself. Where should I go? What should I do? I am open and up for almost anything. Share your ideas below.

You are so very loved and worth it! Fall in love with yourself, lovely!

Here's a video from my drive, just in case you needed a bit more glitter...